by - 4:21:00 PM

Ah the gym. Once my favourite place! pre injury. Since developing a back injury in my mid second year at a performance arts college as a dance major things have not exactly gone to plane. Once finding out about the injury which took a good 10 months I proceed to not have the correct treatments and after numerous test and scans and two and a half years down the line (of course some of this time was spent continuing dancing, when I should not have) I am now well into several months of back rehab. This of course is the good news. The bad news, my body hasn't seen hardcore cardio in almost two years. Along with the back injury comes several other problems, like referred foot and  leg pain along with neural problems. Joyful. So no more pounding the treadmill or doing any kind of exercise including walking and running. Its painful emotionally and physically hard! For sometime now it has been a case of injury denial. I am working on it slowly. So part of my rehab is to do certain specific exercises for my back. The kind you see old people floundering at while lolling on the gym mats (actually the old people put me to shame)

So I get to go to gym and watch the beautifully tone, fit, glowing (not sweating) women work out with ease and grace in their awesome gym gear that's new and expensive looking with various panels and other cool features along with the ability to shrink thighs and lift chests. While I struggle away for ten minutes on the granny bikes, huffing, puffing, sweating and hurting, in old shabby looking dance pants and ripped t-shirts. I try to drown them out with preppy sounds on my i pod of Britney spears and ignore the visions of my pre injury body looking healthy and fit as apposed to flabby and dying on the equipment before a cool down session. To top it, I then do my rehab exercises on the mat, in the dreaded mat area. For all to see, while I fumble my way through 'special' exercises that will help my back not feel like its locked and stuck. I whimper as I attempt my stretches and realise how much flexibility I have lost. (also that I am never going to get a six pack stomach from these exercises) I pine with envy over women twice my age in better shape. I mean really I am not asking for Giselle's body (I would not mind) But to live a pain free life and walk up lions head or go for an early morning jog on the beach front, thats not asking much fitness gods. Of course its a daily struggle and while I know it could be worse I just miss feeling strong and fit. Patience is not my strongest point. try as I may I am not the best at it, although I am working at it and getting there I do have those days of gym envy where I so long to be killing myself on the stepper of wafting away effortlessly on the treadmill. In the mean time I will carry on working hard (to be 'fixed') and to get better. I am grateful for what I have got, but nothing wrong with reaching for more sometimes, we can all dream :) In the mean time I will take my moms advice:
If you wear red lipstick, no one will look at your thighs ;)

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